Thank you very much Lem I truly appreciate it, as well as munchie cashbox diggz and Aussi. Aussi I am very sorry to hear about your loss, I didnt mean to being up something sensitive. Munchie I appreciate your kind words as well, very awesome to have met such great thoughtful people on a trading thread of all places. It is definitely a struggle though, 8 out of the last 10 years I've spent my winter seasons incarcerated, its like all year would go well and all of a sudden October I would get in trouble, i would start using etc and get myself in trouble. I've heard of seasonal depression didnt think much of it before but noticed a pattern and started really paying attention and saw how much it really was affecting me every year... had my son 2 years ago and since then haven't been back in trouble but this time of year just gets to me. Having the little one has definitely helped a lot more than he could understand but the feelings still creep in there from time to time. Someday like today are a bit overwhelming so probably not the best solution but ill resort to a drink or 2 just to get my mind right. A good laugh always seems to help get the mood going lol but hey its life and I do remember as munchie stated that I am far more blessed than I could think. I mean look at all you who showed concern, something I'm very grateful for, others have Noone not even people online to support them, and I do have an amazing son. Aussi very sorry to hear about your friend but it's true, depression causes the most irrational thoughts to be brought into your head, things you would never think of become the only thing you can think of when shit is going completely wrong. In my case nothing is wrong its just the feeling and remembering where I was and what I would do everytime around this season that brings all the nasty emotions associated with it back. But unfortunately you are right people don't think of the ones they leave behind when they do those kinds of things, but (NO EXCUSE AT ALL BTW FOR TAKING ONES LIFE), just from experience in those moments when the depression is the worst, the problem is people aren't thinking at all, they just want to feel better they want whatever it is to stop and usually that involves intoxication or worse. Munchie thanks ill take that hug and your right life is short, have to focus on the good and not the bad, it is quite hard when the bad always seems to overcome and outweigh the good but nonetheless less you are right the good is what we need to focus on, because if not the bad will consume us, I wholeheartedly appreciate your advice. and I appreciate it you cashbox, as well. just you guys all reaching out over a small but meaningful comment means the world to me. I already feel much better. Hope I didnt bring a sad mood to the thread sorry about that you guys but I do hope your all enjoying your weekend! 
